A Look Back: March 24th 2008

I have stared at these pictures over and over. My stepmother notices that she is wearing the same shoes in 2 of the pictures so it must be the same child. I call my agency this afternoon. My coordinator agrees that the pictures look different, but she doesn't have any more information. Without hesitation, I move to what's called a full review. I'm required to seek the advice of a physician and I'm encouraged to seek the advice of my social worker and others familiar with international adoption of older children. In hindsight, this was a mistake as I become confused by all of the well meaning opinions. It will take putting all else aside and hearing from the Lord - and He speaks clearly!

A Look Back: March 20th 2008

March 20th 2008 9:30am. I'm busy with a patient in the pacu when my cell phone rings. It is my agency coordinator - she wants to know if I have a minute. No, I say, I'm very busy - slighty annoyed that she called my cell. I tell her I'll call her back when I get a break. I continue working as I process the phone call. My coordinator calls periodically to see how I'm doing with "the wait" but she NEVER calls my cell phone. Why would she call my cell??? - UNLESS - but it can't be. I was told another family was chosen. But why would she call my cell? It seems forever until I can call her back - and help me, she's not at her desk! By now I'm sure it has something to do with this child. There would be no other reason for her to call my cell. Finally, she calls - YES - it is about this child. Shangguan Haoyun is available for adoption. I can hardly breathe as I agree to the next step - reviewing the scarce information China decides to share. I go back to work but I'm useless. The information comes later today via e-mail - with 4 pictures. But wait - she looks different in 2 of the pictures. I seriously doubt it's the same child. My agency is closed for the weekend so I'll have to wait to see if they made a mistake. But wait - didn't I just dream this last week? Thus begins an incredible journey.

A Look Back: March 17th 2008

It was 5 days ago that I saw her picture. My agency turned down my request for "review" (more information) as another family was in this process. Why do I keep thinking about her? She is 4 1/2! I have a crib! I have a closet full of 18-24 month clothes! This is not my plan! So why am I dreaming about her? Tonight I asked my BSF group to pray that God would open my heart to the child He has already chosen and that I would be willing to let go of "my plans" in this adoption journey.

A Look Back: March 15th 2008

I had a dream about this child last night. In the dream, I was moving forward with her adoption and I was called into a room with a lot of other people to look at her pictures. They gave me several pictures to look at but I was so confused - she looked different in all the pictures - she didn't look like the same child from picture to picture. I kept trying to talk to someone about it but no one would listen to me. Then the child came into the room - put her arms around my legs and called me "mama". I decided I didn't care about the pictures. I woke up then - and could not remember anything else about the dream.

March 13th 2008 - March 13th 2009

Over the next 5 months, I'm going to take a look back and try to put into words this incredible journey. Please join me in thought and comment! In August, this blog will end and be turned into a book for Jordyn.

A look back: March 13th 2008 1pm - I saw a picture sent in an e-mail from my agency while I was at work - it was only a glimpse because I was very busy. But I couldn't get the face out of my mind. I would look at this picture many times over the coming days. And even though I was told I was not chosen, I would continue to think about the face, the child - to the point that I would even dream about her. Beginning today, my life would change forever.